I proposed to my girlfriend, she said yes, but she now wants me to book a dinner with her family and friends and for me to spontaneously ask her again in front of them all. I don't think I want to marry someone like her.

Whenever I use a self checkout and the previous user has left their receipt, I take it along with mine and judge them on what they've purchased.

Landed dream job as a firefighter. Got the job after three months application process another three months basic training and lasted six hours. Fatal car crash with a dad and his daughters in it fucked me up. Just told my mates pay wasn't good enough. Now stack shelves.

I knew what a vet does. And I knew what war is. So naturally a War Vet must have been someone who worked with injured animals during the war. I could never work out why they were quite so traumatised by their work.

I have friends who send long, rambly voicenotes. I always tell them "weird, that came through corrupted, what did you say in it?" and it turns out they CAN form a coherent thought and type it out.