Fear & Respect in the Workplace
If you haven’t had the experience of waking up in the morning and fearing going to work, you’ve probably heard at least one story of someone who has. Someone who was afraid of their boss, a coworker, an impending audit, or layoffs. These stories are centered around fear, but what about fear’s older, more mature cousin, respect? How are they related, and what are their roles in the workplace?
Fear? Having a role in the workplace? I thought fear was bad and to be avoided at all costs? Didn’t we leave fear at work behind in the 1950s along with day-drinking and open misogyny? Not entirely it seems, but the fear we’re talking about today is of a different kind, a healthy kind. For example, a primary school child would have a healthy fear of bears. What about respect? While the term might feel dated in our current hyper-equality society, it too has a healthy version. As our example child matures, their fear of bears will develop into respect for them. They’ll understand their destructive power, but also that they’ll generally only engage it in defence. For another example, think back to your relationship with your childhood friend’s parents. As a child in an unknown adult’s home with different rules and expectations there was an amount of fear involved, but as an adult you most likely have respect for the amount of shenanigans they put up with at the hands of your and your friends.
Fear, even the unhealthy kind, can sometimes be leveraged for good. Fear of being yelled at might motivate you to finish the last 10% of a project or emptying your inbox before the end of the workday. It is better matured into respect whenever possible, however. The trade-off of fear of verbal assault or firing isn’t worth it. It’d be much healthier to be motivated by respect. Respect for your coworkers (who might also be made late by your procrastinations), your boss (who may need to take responsibility for the delay), and customers or clients (imagine yourself in their shoes).
We’ve established that respect is good, and that fear is a sometimes-useful antecedent of it. And we can all now hear a thousand voices screaming, “but so-and-so doesn’t respect me!” or “but so-and-so doesn’t deserve respect!”. They may not be wrong, so let’s see what we can do to help promote respect. Ignoring the edge cases where some people are arrogant to the point of not respecting anyone, the most common cause I’ve witnessed isn’t a lack of respect, but a misdirection of it. Respect has a directional flow from one person to another, and ideally there are streams flowing in both directions. You respect your boss for their authority and responsibilities, and your boss respects you for your expertise and commitment. Misdirection of respect isn’t giving it where it isn’t deserved but flowing in the wrong direction. For example, a coworker is regularly late for meetings, and the meeting chair says, “Out of respect for Bill we’re going to wait for them to start the meeting.” What about their respect for everyone else’s time? Respect is flowing in the wrong direction. The same thing can happen when making decisions. “Mary has been with us the longest, so we’re going to defer to her preferences and keep the fax machine in the document transfer workflow even though it’s expensive and takes longer.” Sometimes it can even lead to putting the unqualified in positions they’re incapable of executing out of a misdirection of respect. Permission to speak is an extremely common misdirection as well; respect for someone’s “right to be heard” shouldn’t override their respect for everyone else’s time.
The solution to this chaotic storm surge of misdirected respect is simple, but difficult. Break the fourth wall and haven open discussions. Start with groups and work your way down to one-on-one as necessary. Meeting start times is an excellent place to begin as most will agree that starting on time (especially with the goal of finishing on time!) is a practical shared good. Permission to speak in meetings (especially public ones) will be a difficult tackle but is also highly relevant. If respect directionality feels too heavy to bring up at work at all, try practising at home or with friends first. Failing that, a therapist or chat AI might be options.
Want someone with a neutral or outside voice to talk about fear and respect in your workplace? You can find us at scalebright.ca.