iris

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Followed byAncient Mole, Derek Ross, Shawn ⚡️ and 52 others you follow
ER doctor: “So yeah this guy has a lot of things wrong with him that are probably chronic but just to be safe I consulted cardiology, nephrology, GI, and infectious disease.” Me: “I see. Did you also consult deez?” ER doctor: “Deez who?” Me: 😏…
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isn’t this the guy in charge of watching the gold at Fort Knox?
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Patient: “Oh my goodness. You look too young to be a doctor. I’m so lucky to have such a handsome young doctor aren’t I sweetheart?” Me: 😀 Patient’s daughter: “Yeah so like I saying mom is legally blind and has dementia.” Me: 😞
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I recently asked six high-functioning 94+ yos what the secret was to living a long life. 3 said lead a good life/have a good relationship with God. 2 said hard work. 1 said bourbon.
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my 6yo is having a hilarious meltdown trying to do this 🤣
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v-day dinner convo just ended up being a debate/argument over which one of us would be the more successful criminal mastermind/supervillain… my wife is perfect
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not into TA but the daily chart seems wound tighter than a hummingbird’s asshole
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